Okay, maybe not that great, but I'm definitely Harlem Globetrotter quality.
This is why last night when the Globetrotters needed some halftime entertainment and show of pure talent and skill, they called me.
Our radio station was having a contest with some listeners where during halftime at the Globetrotters game we'd have a shootout competition. The game was called horse or some nonsense.
So in order to get prepped for the game I did what I do best...
So that's me in my basketball get-up. I was ready for the game! No warm-ups required when you dress as snappy as me!
So I get to the game, and the Globetrotters are doing their silly basketball shenanigans. You know the ones, making baskets off their heads, hanging from the nets, poking the ref in the belly button. Stuff that would get you thrown out on misconduct.
My coworkers were all just lightly giggling and smiling, whilst I was standing up clapping loudly along with the crowd, jeering, booing, and generally having a fantastic time only reserved for kids aged 7 to 9 who meet Mickey Mouse.
Then some dancers came on and did a routine I personally didn't enjoy very much. If you want to hear more about what I thought of these girls, you can't because they have no sense of humour and their tweenie psyches don't handle criticism well. But because I'm nice I've taken down what I originally wrote regardless of how funny it actually was. Feel free to browse through the comments though, you can probably put 2 and 2 together! They all came in almost a year after the fact, which is the funniest part of the whole ordeal.
Now, back to the blog!
Then came my time to shine. My moment in the spotlight.
This photo isn't out of focus, when I'm on the court I move so fast I'm just a blur
Sorry that the photos aren't better. It's a brand new camera, and I handed it to my coworker without really explaining it at all. But you get the idea. In general I was looking extremely attractive.
True story: Following the game I went to a gas station and the 30-something lady working started hitting on me. I can guarantee you my awesome outfit was at least %70 responsible. I think from now on I'm never going to leave the house without sweatbands on.
Anyway, I basically just Hammed it up *giggle* because the idea was to let the contestants win while putting on a good show. I did some awful throws, didn't make a single basket, and generally made a big goof of myself.
The ball handlers were loving it and having a great time watching this amazing piece of man meat play. At one point I 'accidentally' dribbled right into one. In fact, I did so bad, the Globetrotters manager took my teammate and I aside afterwards and said to her,
“Girl, you gotta give this boy some lessons!”
to which I interjected with,
“What are you talking about? I was amazing!”
He smiled knowingly at me, as if to say,
“I know son, you WERE amazing. We'll be calling you next week to join the team for the final leg of our tour. Welcome to the Globetrotters Mr. Hammell; You've made it.”
9 comments:
I can't wait til you guys get to my part of the world! I'll wave so you know who I am!!
Good work, Jake-man.
you are a rock star. i mean a sports star. you are getting really close to fame and fortune -- i can feel it.
That was so full of awesome it's unbelievable!
And as for women who learn moves on stainless steel pole...I'm one of those women and it's actually pretty damn classy! But I agree that little girls doing the same kind of moves is all sorts of grody.
Big Sigh! Wow Jake! You get to do some pretty kick ass stuff! Incredible!
I am SO glad you left a comment on my Blog, so that I could discover this Hi-LARIOUS post...
...Hammell, you've got Skillz.
Instead of commenting on young girls dancing, I strongly suggest you look in the mirror and worry about your fashion statement. Obviously no girl would ever look at you! In your dreams creeper!
Typical red neck!
I am one of those dancers that you decided to creep, obviously were smart enough to find this, FREAK.
oh "Anonymous" how you make me laugh! Maybe you should spend less time Googling youself and more time working on your English skills.
"obviously were smart enough..." should actually read, "obviously I'm smart enough..."
Or, if you were perhaps trying to refer to you and your dance troop collectively, you could have typed,
"obviously we're smart enough" since we're is a contraction meaning we are.
'Were' is a verb and is the past subjunctive of "be." If you're having trouble following along, (which I'm sure you are) I suggest putting away the skanky dance moves and picking up a dictionary.
Sigh, typical dumb girl!
Wow mr.hammelltime.. that says enough. Your really something. You have nothing better to do than sit around and blog about girls who have ACTUAL talent! I'd say your performance was absolutley ridiculous and excruciatingly boring. By the way your lucky people have not done more about this seeing as you have posted a picture of girls who obviously did not give you permission to post them. Your pathetic, and these girls did amazing, I'm also a part of ths group. OH AND BY THE WAY its not ballet or pole dancing, its called jazz, and I'd say we owned it =)
Sign typical dumb boy.
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