Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Kraft Dinner - again

I like Kraft Dinner, that’s a genuine fact. I’ve had “gourmet” mac and cheese before that’s great, but there’s something to be said about a box of the nuclear orange stuff that hits that certain spot.

But as much as I like the stuff, there’s a few ads running right now for KD that strike me as a little odd. This campaign about two guys who are always competing for each other’s Kraft Dinner.

It’s an okay concept but aren’t they a little old to be fighting and pranking each other for macaroni? It’s not like it’s been seasoned with truffle oil and flakes of 24 karat gold, it’s a box of $1.25 macaroni.

Don’t they have jobs or something that might allow them to buy their own Kraft Dinner? You know, instead of sharing every box they buy, maybe the black-shirt guy might say “Hey that looks good. I’ll make some for myself!”

But no, instead he puts a noodle on his face as a distraction tactic to gank his roommate’s Mac.

 I know I once LOST it on my roommate when he drank all my milk, so I can only imagine what I’d have done if he literally took my plate of food and ate it in front of me while coldly staring me in the eyes.

Finally, here’s what really bothers me:

I mean Jesus Christ, Could this guy find a SMALLER pot? He's already got a few noodles on the stovetop, who knows how much crap he managed to burn on the elements or get in the pan underneath. This is just straight up poor decision making.

Maybe they’re trying to make KD cooler for college kids or something; but unless everyone switched from cheap starchy food to filet mingon and salmon cakes, I doubt it’s much of a problem. 

But then again, what do I know....

...that looks like the face of a young man whose roommate constantly plays demeaning pranks one after the other to steal his food; and humiliates him day after day by making him recite oaths about his own mother's attractiveness...

...and all he wants is a damn bowl of macaroni. This simple meal is probably the only joy that this guy has left in the world. He probably has no friends and as a result is forced to hand out with the KD-Bandit. And the more I think about it, the more this guy's roommate kind of seems like a bit of a villain actually.

Hopefully this ad campaign escalates into the plaid-shirt guy freaking out and snapping on his roommate, because that's the only logical conclusion to this saga.

Monday, 6 May 2013

Coffee Break!

I was listening to the radio last week and they had a nice little story about the TV show Friends.

Specifically, they interviewed a researcher who sat down and figured out how much coffee Monica, Pheobe, Rachael, Ross, Chandler, and Joey drank over the course of the series.

He estimated that each character drank two giant cups per episode. After some fancy math (AKA basic multiplication) he figured out that they drank 1683.5 litres of coffee over ten years. Apparently that’s enough to hospitalize 300 people (if you gave them each 5.6 litres and they drank it all at once)

Which got me thinking…how much coffee do I drink? I know it’s a lot, but how many times should I be dying in a year?

Well, after following the same formula, I worked out that I probably average about 418 litres of coffee in year.

This is equal to 2357 6oz cups(equal to a small mug), and according to my body weight it’ll take about 106.66 small cups all at once to kill me.

Which means, after all that mumbo jumbo, I drink enough coffee per year to kill me 22 times, which in reality isn’t all that bad. It is a little surprising when you do the math though, because if you break down even more it turns out I’m burning through 2.4 cats worth of lives in a year.

Which we all know is a standard imperial unit of measurement alongside a hogshead, a puncheon, and a firkin. Also, I learned how to use a calculator.