Tuesday, 29 November 2011

The Hammelltime Christmas Draw Extravaganza!

Christmas Time!!!!

This is the first year I've decorated anything at all since I was in Highschool, and boy howdy is ever expensive to be into Christmas. To celebrate, I'm doing a christmas contest!

My girlfriend and I each decorated a christmas bulb. Have a look at the pictures below, and vote for your favourite on the poll located on the right side(not mandatory to win). Then, to be entered in Hammelltime's first ever Christmas Draw Extravaganza, just write in the comments section, or on my Facebook page that you'd like to be entered. On Friday I'll reveal which Christmas bulb won, and who gets a super-special mystery prize mailed directly TO THEIR HOME!!!!!! (Or delivered if someone I'll be seeing wins it)

Here are the bulbs (I took two photos of the red one to fully show how awesome it is). Vote away!

We also put up a really nice tree. Actually, it was a little busted-up, and as always I tried fixing it with wood-glue. That 8$ dollar investment a year ago in a jug of wood-glue is still paying off!

We only had enough decorations for one side unfortunately. But that super awesome star? I made that myself.

Pretty high quality right? Guess what it's made out of...
Two beer cans, some tape, and a nail. Really classy!

We also made some Christmas stockinga for Santa to put presents in. Jen's is tasteful...

While mine has titties!

Sorry about that Mom.
Anyway, I hope everyone is having a good 'ol time getting ready for Christmas. I look forward to seeing everyone in Grande Prairie, and for those of you in other towns/provinces, I'll catch you in the New Year sometime!

Oh, and don't forget to vote on your favourite Christmas bulb, and enter to win the SUPER SPECIAL SECRET CHRISTMAS PRIZE!!!!

Monday, 21 November 2011

Remember that time...

Every now and then you'll figure something out, or come to a realization in life that makes you look back and think "How did I miss that before?"

Well, I had one of those last week.

I found out that I hadn't washed my hair for a month.

Actually, make that at least a month. It could have been going on for as much as two.

My girlfriend ran out of shampoo last week as well, and decided to use mine. She thought it was other that it didn't lather, and that afterwards her hair felt just as heavy and greasy than before.

She texts me the next day and asks what I've been washing my hair with. I reply,


I mean, come on, what else would I be using. Duh.

Well, she promptly corrected me that it was indeed conditioner. Suddenly, everything clicked! So thats why my hair is so greasy if I don't wash it every day. Ohhhhhh.

That really happened. How? Well, I use Head & Shoulders, one bottle for shampoo, one bottle for conditioner. I guess when I ran out of shampoo, I just moved on to using nothing but conditioner. It didn't really occur to me that I was no longer using shampoo.

And that my friends, is how you forget to wash your hair for a month.

On the plus side of this whole experience, my hair is fantasticly smooth. And when I actually used shampoo it became light and fluffy!

I'd call that a success.

Monday, 14 November 2011

It Might not be my Cup of Tea, But...

Today I was going to go on a tirade about Adam Sandler’s career. He’s got a new movie out, “Jack And Jill,” and I honestly thought it was a joke. I saw the movie poster ages ago, and I assumed it was a clever photoshop.

But alas, it wasn’t witty satire pointing out how totally generic and mindless his comedies have become, it is an actual movie.

From what I can tell, It’s about a regular dad who has a nearly identical twin sister. She comes over for a visit, and it turns out she’s a miserable klutz. Plus, there’s lots of that weird face-pulling from Sandler in this film...

... probably some jokes about poop, and some physical comedy that involves falling into a pool. It looks like a total waste of time and money.

But here’s the thing about these comedies, Adam Sandler’s films make serious bank. I’m not kidding, check out his last ten releases:

These movies I slander as brain-dead? 6 out of 10 are in the hundred-million ballpark. If you look at Adam Sandler’s top grossing films, combined they're worth well over a billion bucks.

So what does it mean? People want to see this stuff! Critics come down hard on Sandler for making films like this, but if he’s entertaining people, good on him. I don’t have to watch these movies. At worst, all I have to sit through is 30 to 60 seconds of movie previews.

So Adam Sandler, good work. I think your movies are drivel, and so do quite a few other people…
…but I applaud your efforts. You’re obviously making someone laugh. Or, you're at least getting people to pay to see you in drag.

By the way, anyone seen this movie? Anyone planning on it? I have suspicions that Jack and Jill will be the combo-breaker of Sandlers multi-million major-release comedy film streak.

Blackstar Feat. Common - Respiration

Monday, 7 November 2011

Donald Duck takes some Hard Drugs

Disney has made some weird stuff in its time. Before the mid-80s, it was churning out some bizarre-o films. One such film, is one I watched repeatedly as a kid. At the time I kind of clued in on how strange it gets, but didn't fully realize just how completely batshit insane it actually is.

I'm talking about "The Three Caballeros" released in 1944.

It's a collection of shorts about Latin America. In it, Donald Duck receives some presents from his bird pals in South America. We're introduced to a couple of characters you've probably never seen or heard of unless you live in Mexico, and learn all about the Latin traditions, past-times, and lifestyle.

Educational, right?

Right. That is until we get to the final chapter of the film, where it falls RIGHT OFF THE RAILS AND LANDS SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF PCP-VILLE.

Apparently, not many of my friends have seen The Three Caballeros, and I’m not totally sure where my parents found a VHS copy of it either. Disney apparently released a censored and re-cut version, but the one I saw is definitely the original.

Here’s a quick overview of the final chapter where things start to get absolutely loony. These photos are in %100 chronological order, %100 true, and believe me when I tell you that they’ll make very little sense whether they’re in context or not.

So Donald falls in love with this girl in a photo. He jumps into the book…

…and begins to dance around the sky, collecting starts to throw about in joy over his newfound love.

She starts serenading him while he’s perched on the moon from inside a star…

And suddenly the background transforms into guitars that close in on Donald.

The guitars morph into kissy-mouths, which smooch Donald all over his face until he takes off like a rocket…

And we enter the electro-realm of insanity in which Donald is a hummingbird who huffs neon flowers.
One of the flowers explode, and Donald bursts through the screen, being chased by scantily clad women. Then, this happens...

Donald escapes the women, and starts spying on them. His head rotates around 360 degrees to peep at all these girls who are searching the ground for Donald.

Donald bursts through the screen again, and runs until he encounters a dead end. He turns around, and sees himself and his new amigos dancing, but with women’s legs attached to their bodies.

Then all three of them leap up from the legs, which march away…

…and come back with this horse-thing attached to them, which Donald and friends proceed to ride while singing “We are three gay amigos, just three gay amigos…” in a high-pitched tone.

Then the screen goes all flowery, and we take a breather from this frantic action, to watch a weird flower-woman dance around, while surrounded by Flower-Donalds.

Then Donald is transported to a weird desert with lots of cacti about. The Flower-Woman marches up, now dressed in Mexican clothing, and starts commanding this terrifying marching cactus army.

Finally, Donald becomes a raging bull who fights a matador. The matador wins, lighting the various explosives attached to Donald’s bull body…

And it explodes into a red white and blue “THE END”

As a kid, I didn’t enjoy this part of the movie. It really falls apart here. It’s like they let a team of schizophrenic opium-junkies into the Disney studios and each direct one minute of the film. Anyway, you can watch the whole sequence below. There’s lots of crazy shit I didn’t include, so you’re welcome to enjoy this.

I wouldn’t recommend taking a load of acid and mushrooms before watching this. You’d probably be a changed person afterwards.