Thursday, 31 March 2011

Any Resemblance Is Purely Coincidental

So, anyone who knows my Uncle Darcy would agree, he's an alright guy. What I didn't know, it that he led a second life as singer/songwriter Dan Grary, and released a record entitled "Lady's Fancy"

Okay, I'm just kidding. This isn't actually Uncle Darcy. But for anyone knows him, they may see a slight resemblance. You can actually buy this record for a mere ten bucks on Ebay right now. This is from a series of photos on Visual News called...

"Awkward Album Covers of Regret"

Just click the link to see more album covers, it's worth it. I'll share one more of my favourites, which I'm certain must be fake (The album title references a Simpsons Episode). If not, I'll pay serious cash to have this record in my collection:

Also, you probably noticed the change to my blog's format. I was tired of the same dark colours. It's mostly the same, but I figured I'd tool around a bit the colours. Let me know if you like it or hate it.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

The Secret of the Jetsons

The Jetsons are a beloved part of Hanna Barbara's animation history. Starring a family from the future dealing with their futuristic triumphs and tribulations set in the year 2062.

Pretty innocent stuff right?

Last weekend for some reason the subject of The Jetsons came up. After a quick read of the character's biographies, a horrible truth started to emerge.


Am I being too harsh? Not at all. You know how old George is? 40.

You know how old his wife Jane is? 33.

That's an age difference of seven years. That's not unheard of, and I'm sure we can all think of examples of people in relationships we know of who are this far apart.

But hold up just a minute. They have a daughter; Judy. Judy is a flirty fashionista, who loves to party. How old is she? 16.
That means Jane was only 17, possibly even 16 when George knocked her up. And how old was George Jetson when all this went down? Twenty Four.

What is this twenty four year old man doing fooling around with this young woman? This was normal a few decades ago, and even flies today. But in the future, 34 years from now when this will happen, I'm not quite sure that would be approved of. If the average age women have kids at continues to climb, the first time a woman will pop her first baby by the time she's 30. George will be branded a filthy young man by his futuristic society.

And those two should definitely have known better than to engage in unprotected sex. Have you seen the show intro? Jane grab's George's wallet straight from his hands to go shopping.
She's used to the finer things in life, It's obvious she's no trailer-trash bumpkin who was brought up thinking that condoms were greasy funny-shaped balloons.

And George? He was 24 when this happened! He should know better. Space condoms can easily be purchased at the Space-7/11 or Astro-Macs.
And on top of that, with all the methods of birth control we have now, in future there must be some kind better, and easier, options!

Oh, and let's not forget Rosie the robot. She's 45 years old (meaning in six years she'll be built). She obviously grew up with either George or Jane. And she's so uptight! I can tell you this, no stereotypical Jewish house-keeper robot would have ANY of this going on in her house. So George probably wiped her memory, and poor Rosie thinks nothing of it all, having lost 20 years of her memories.

Mister Spacely has known George since he was a kid, so he's knows what's going on here. He knows EXACTLY what George did. It's no wonder he holds such contempt for that low-waisted, incompetent, ginger-headed nincompoop. Spacely probably just keeps him around because he knows nobody else would hire him, let alone keep on staff, if they should discover his past.

So the next time you're watching The Jetsons on Teletoon Retro, just keep in mind that this futuristic family has a lot more going on behind the scenes than you think. I've got my eye on you George, and so does Spacely. When you're born in ten years, I'll make it my mission to ensure that you don't take advantage of confused little Jane.

Unless of course, Jane was shooting laser holes through George's space-condoms to try and make him stay with her, and the whole thing was an “Accident.”

It could happen, people. Be aware.
All info is referenced from Wikipedia

Bruce Cockburn - If I Had A Rocket Launcher

Monday, 21 March 2011

Review: The Lincoln Lawyer

The Lincoln Lawyer
starring Matthew McConaughey, directed by Brad Furman.
The lady-friend and I went and saw this one on a whim last Friday, and all I can say is... “Wow.”

McConaughey stars in this flick as a smooth-talking, slick-operating, criminal lawyer. He doesn't own an office, and instead operates out of the back-seat of his 1985(ish) Lincoln Town Car. Right from the get-go, it's obvious McConaughey is a big-time operator in this town.

A client with deep-pockets specifically requests McConaughey after being accused of viciously assaulting a prostitute. The lure of major cash is irresistable, and he bites. Quickly though, it becomes apparent there's far more than a simple "wrong place, wrong time" accusation here. McConaughey, his friends, and his enemies, are soon wrapped up in a do or die verdict.

I don't really care for court-room dramas and lawyer movies, but The Lincoln Lawyer is world apart from your average justice-system movie.

It's refreshing to to see McConaughey in something besides a Rom-com, and it reminds me that this guy is a legitimate actor. He's a lawyer who treads the fine line between right and wrong, he's as much a scion of justice, as he is complete con-artist. Did that make sense? Also, to my surprise, he didn't take his shirt off one single time in this movie. Sorry ladies.

The plot, while nothing we haven't seen before, still manages to keep you glued to the screen. Throughout the movie, the actors all deliver a great performance. Even John Leguizamo, who played his usual "Can We Trust Him" rat character. You really get sucked into hating the villains as much as you root for the heroes. There were a couple twists, an average viewer can see them coming, but watching the movie unfold in front truly satisfying. The Lincoln Lawyer makes you cheer for the protagonist, and boo the bad-guys.



The Pros: Smart, witty dialogue. The movie managed to keep a humorous edge on its darker material. You'll be completely unable to get invested in every one of the characters, a rare feat in cinema. The movie paces along at a good speed, and most of the time you don't feel like it's wasting a single frame of film.

The Cons: There was one part involving one of McConaughey's former clients that I felt was a little unbelievable. It was just too convenient, but it's a movie, so I'll forgive and forget. The ending felt a bit dragged out. It was good, but a couple times I thought they could have ended it sooner. Plus, the crime-scene flashbacks felt like they were straight from CSI. A movie with a $40 million dollar budget could do better.

Should you see it?


I'll be honest, you don't see a lot of movies that are this smart, but manage to keep it %100 enjoyable. Sometimes movies about law seem to high-brow for me, it's easy to lose track of what's going on, or who is involved in what, or how something someone did ruined what was going on.
The Lincoln Lawyer though? It made law look cool, and suave. Definitely check this one, especially if you have nothing do and are looking at the movie listings saying “What is all this crap?”
You won't be disappointed.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Happy Saint Patrick's day! It's noon o'clock here, but soon, according to Lenny's calculations, it will be this time:

Yes, drinkin' time.

But why do we celebrate Saint Patrick's Day? As children, some of us were probably told that we celebrate when Saint Patrick drove the snakes from Ireland. That doesn't make a lot of sense, so
it's time for some short-form education!

Saint Patrick was a Roman Priest who came to Ireland to convert the celtic pagans, which we know as the "snakes" he “drove out," to Christians. He used the iconic shamrock to explain the holy trinity (The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost) to the heathens of Ireland. I'm no Catholic, so I can't really provide any further info on what all that means either, but it's a big deal.
After his death, Saint Patrick was held in high esteem by the Irish, and continues to be recognized as integral figure to this day by the Irish Church.

After his canonization, a feast day was regularly held in his honor in Ireland. Once the Irish began to immigrate, the tradition spread to North America, and throughout the New World.

Over time the meaning of Saint Patrick's Day has changed from that of a purely religious matter, to a celebration of Irish culture.

And now you know. So let's get to honoring our Irish forefathers! The sooner, the better.

And if you're in Grande Prairie, I'll see you at the Crown and Anchor at five o'clock sharp!

Billy Dean - Billy the Kid

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Still Kicking Scrabble Ass

I know I talk about Scrabble a lot. But I have something else to share, today I totally kicked ass. Check out this killer letter combo I had working for me:

Nailed it!

Needless to say, I was unstoppable with all these great vowels.

Also, if you couldn't tell, I'm being sarcastic. Nothing gets me angrier than when all I have are "I"s. There are times when I'd kill for an I, but this is ridiculous!

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Stay Clear of Confusing Ads

I make commercials for a living, so it's only natural that I watch television ads as intently as I do the actual programming (to an extent). But there's a new PSA that plays on CTV and every time I watch it, I get so damned confused.

It's OPG's (Ontario Power Generation) latest PSA. It's about awareness that ice near hydro-dams on rivers and lakes is unsafe. True story. Because water levels near hydro dams fluctuate quickly, the ice on the rivers is prone to cracking and being thin. My old drug dealing neighbor told me story about how a dude slammed into an icewall in Ontario because of this. My neighbor was probably BS'ing me, but I digress.

The message of the ad is important. But the person starring in it? Terrible. This is the shit that makes yankees think we're all lumberjacks.
Old man, flannel plaid jacket, bushy beard, wood axe, talks about his snowmobile, standing in the wilderness. The guy honestly reminds me of my dad, and I have no idea whether to take him seriously or not.
Then he drops this bombshell, my favourite part, in a spooky mysterious voice:
“What goes on beneath the ice in this river is a mystery that won't never be's like an enigma, wrapped up in a conundrum, inside a...FURRY BLANKET OF I DON'T KNOW WHAT.”
Oh Jesus no! Not a furry blanket!

Then this jackass comes on, happy music plays and everything is...alright? I guess?
Every time this ad plays I feel a little destitute, like someone told me they did something bad to me while I was sleeping but I'll never know about it. Violated is the term I'm thinking of.

Can anyone explain it to me? Can anyone please unwrap this mysterious furry-blanket of conundrums and tell me just what the hell is going in this ad?

Radiohead - Creep

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Dear NASA: I'm feeling Alienated from the Aliens

You know what I'm sick of? Constant headlines about how we keep discovering aliens. Today, what did I read in the headlines?
Instantly my nerd-glands start salivating. Could this be it? Did a giant space-whale break-out of the ice of Europa? Did we find some awesome alien burial mound on Mars or something? I imagine it looked something like this:

But no, it's some bacteria that's been fossilized in a meteorite. God damn it, I keep getting all worked up over these news announcements from NASA, and they giving me pictures of of all these little squiggly germ fossils.

Come on! Give me the good stuff. I know these discoveries indicate life forms of some sort can exists elsewhere, but I'm certain there are other geeks out there like me who are just waiting for the big one; The day when we find some wacky looking fish things under the surface of a nearby moon or something. Who knows, maybe we'll hit paydirt and find a big old monitoring station from long forgotten alien race on Pluto.

But til' then, I guess we just have to work with what we're given. Pictures of squiggly meteorite things.
In conclusion, NASA, stop it. You're killing me.

Thursday, 3 March 2011

15 Years of Toil

I finally met a momentous landmark earlier this week. It's something that I've been striving after for fifteen years. Tuesday, March 1st 2011, I finally beat the computer game Ragnarok:

I was first introduced this game back when I was just a wee boy by my older brother. I don't know how he got a hold of it, but he did, and soon he had beaten it. But me? I struggled and struggled. Through the years on every computer I come across, be it home, work, or school, I have downloaded and played this simple DOS game. Always, the finish line eluded me. My younger even beat this game years before me.

It has an agonizingly cruel learning curve, and even the most seasoned of gamers will be chewed up and spit out dozens, even hundreds of times before even coming close to finishing it. There is a definite science to beating it, but that has as much to with luck as it does skill.

To make it even harder, when you die, all your saved games are deleted as well. You're set up before you even begin to lose this game.

But I finally beat it. I can close this chapter of my life.

Or maybe I'll start it all over again.

If you want to play it, you can download it for free. Digital cameras literally take pictures with file-sizes larger than this game.

Although sometimes you'll feel like you're banging your head against a wall by playing this, that pain feels curiously good. Give it a try if you like, and get ready for an agonizing decade.