Monday, 30 May 2011

The Grumpy Campaign

So last year I got this client to write ads for, Grumpy's Liquor Hut. I was pretty stoked, as someone with such an entertainingly named business would surely let me write some fun ads.
With some work, we had some okay ads put together. But since I started writing for them, a new liquor store has opened up literally across the road from them.

This is when the client realized it was time to take her advertising into the category of "Awesome."

This was just a quickly thrown together pair of ads, but I had a lot of fun writing/producing them. The production value isn't so great, but in a pinch this will do.

So, this week I present to you:

"Grumpys Liquor Hut, June 2011 Campaign"

GLH(JUNE'11)JH#1 - COLD, NO MUSIC by jacobhammell

GLH(JUNE'11)JH#2 - COLD, NO MUSIC by jacobhammell

As always, let me know what you think! Is the gravelly man from Brooklyn too much, does it make sense, what would you do differently? I love hearing comments and criticism, lay it on me.

Mr J Medeiros - Holding On

Friday, 27 May 2011

The Final Frontier

I've worked I've been a radio announcer, writer, and producer, as well as a television reporter/camera man. And now, my career is stretching to new horizons with Commercial Magazine Photography!

See this photo below here? I took that picture! I didn't add all the fancy text and stuff, but the rest of it is all me!

Oh, whose name is that in the fine print at the bottom?

Boom! Mine. That's who.

Anyway, that's about all I have to say about that. It wasn't hard to do, but my subjects were very cooperative. I didn't get paid, and unless someone specifically hands me a camera and tells me to take a picture, and I'm probably not going to do it again.

But for all intents and purposes, you can all start telling me what a great professional photographer I am.

So, whose wedding photos can I butcher?

Streetlight Manifesto - Would You Be Impressed

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

The Stinky Kid

Things have been quite busy here at work these past couple weeks, mainly because important people are coming by for a visit. These are the people who own and operate the Jim Pattison Media Group. The big man himself Jim Pattison, owner of a billion dollar business group, is stopping in for a visit.

So we all have to wear our Sunday-Best, and look sharp since there's a lot of handshaking to be done. However, I'm pretty bad at remembering to do laundry, and I completely forgot to wash my pants last night.

This morning I pawed through my pile of clothes and found some jeans that I figured would pass for clean, threw on an un-ironed dress shirt, knotted a tie around my neck, and took off to work.

However, last week I was at the local recycling depot and left it smelling like stale liquor and flat soda (this is also what college smells like). I smelt like that all afternoon and I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm wearing the exact same pants as last Tuesday. Every now and then I get a phantom whiff of something that doesn't smell pleasant, and I'm not totally sure if it's me, or just my brain being paranoid.

I asked a coworker if I was the stinky kid today, and she said that she didn't notice anything. But then she dropped off this sticky note in my office that proceeded to crush my self-esteem.

If you'll notice on that image, she checked off the “Something Smells” and “Everybody Knows” boxes. But underneath, she didn't mark off “I wouldn't tell you unless I truly cared.” So at least she's just being honest, and not trying to let me down easy about being the Stinky Kid.

It's noon now, and nobody else has said anything. So I'm just going to ride this wave of politeness all the way to quitting time. Hopefully nobody else calls me out, or might have to start grooming myself better.

Or not. I'll assume that Jim Pattison has met his share of stinky kids, and one more isn't going to upset him all that much.

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

On the Verge of a Breakup

My car and I have been like peas in a pod. Her name is Glenda, and she's my first car I ever bought and paid for with my own dollars. I got her after the brake lines rusted through and broke on my old Buick. To replace the brake lines would have meant replacing the equally rusted fuel lines.

Altogether, it would have cost me more to fix the vehicle than it was worth. Plus, insurance renewal time was coming up, and being that I had an out-of-province car, it would need a fresh gamut of inspections and repairs to be brought up to snuff for the crooked privatized insurance industry of Alberta.

So, to the wreckers my Buick went. Two weeks later, I was the proud owner of a 94' Mercury Grande Marquis.
This isn't actually Glenda

The end of this month will mark our two year anniversary. But, the honeymoon period is long over. Since last fall, she's been giving me nothing but trouble. My fuel line was rusty, and leaking. This severely limited my ability to drive over raging infernos.
This situation comes up more often than you'd think

After a fix on the cheap though, she was patched up, and lasted another 3 months before the same thing happened again.

On top of this, since all this fuel line trouble happened, she's been a thirsty girl. Gas is expensive, and her economy is terrible. Far worse than usual actually, even compared to when most of my gas was pouring out of a rusty fuel line.

Since this fuel trouble started though, there's been other issues. When I'm idling at stop lights, the engine starts to shake, and then it stalls. No problem starting up again though, and she runs fine when she's actually driving around, but stalling at stop lights is rather unsettling.

I've been reading online and talking to people, and nobody is totally sure what's wrong.

Is it the sparkplugs misfiring? Is it dirty fuel injectors? Is is something with the air intake? Is too much of something getting in? Or is it not enough of something else?

The extent of my car knowledge extends to windshield washer fluid, air filters, checking the oil, and changing tires (a surprisingly effective cost saver).

Luckily, I know a few people who are good with cars who are happy to lend a hand. But this shit is difficult! If there's one thing I've learned to appreciate over the past few months, it's that people who are good with cars are extremely valuable. I think a good summer project would be to take a basics of automotive care course, that kind of stuff pays for itself. Especially when you can only afford to drive jalopies.

I would totally drive this

So, if any gear heads have any ideas, I'm all ears. Or better yet, if somebody has a car that's saftied in Saskatchewan they'd like to sell, let me know. I may be in the market sooner than I realize.

Our Lady Peace - 4 am

Friday, 6 May 2011

The Little Mermaid...of LIES

Today I needed a coworker to voice a script, so I asker her “Could I borrow your voice?”
She laughed and said yes, then said “Are you going to steal my voice like Ursula from The Little Mermaid?”
This lead us into a discussion about the aspects of the mermaid, or “Mer-People,” society and lifestyle.
Just for a quick refresher on the plot if it's been years since you saw The Little Mermaid, it goes like this. Ariel is a mermaid, she gets a crush on a land-based prince, she makes a pact with the Sea-Witch Ursula, gets some legs in trade for her voice so she can go on land and make the prince fall in love with her. She has three days to make him kiss her, a “Kiss of True Love,”, if she fails, she gets turned into a worm and the Sea-Witch takes her soul, and that's the end of that.

I've always thought that Ariel didn't try very hard to get that “Kiss of true love” that the evil sea-witch demanded she receive in order to get her voice back. I mean, why didn't she just write Prince Adam a letter saying

“I've been cursed by a witch, and you have to smooch me so I can get my voice back. But you can't fake it, otherwise I won't make it.”?

Then my coworker pointed out that Ariel is a mermaid, and probably can't read or write. I don't remember if she does any of that in the movie, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't. It makes sense though. She's royalty and everything, but how can we guarantee that she's literate? If you watch the movie, everyone is constantly occupied by composing highly coordinated singing and dance numbers.

They're obviously too busy to learn how to read or write

But that raises another question, what language does she speak? She can talk to crabs, fish, birds, and other mer-people, but can she speak English?

Apparently there's a few scenes in the movie where they use electricity, and the French chef uses some form of a gas stove.
Cooking food with flames like this over a wood-fire? Yeah right!

What do these things have to do with each other? I'll tell you what,


I assumed it was around the 1600s in Europe or something, but gas ranges weren't invented until 1820s, and didn't become commercially viable until the 1880s. As for the Prince, who knows what language he speaks? I assumed they were from Denmark, seeing as that's where the original Little Mermaid story took place, so are the humans speaking Danish or something?

How would the little mermaid know any human language when she didn't even know what a fork was?
AKA, the Dinglehopper.

And, where would she have even learned whatever European language she'd need to speak? A school?
Yeah right! In the ocean, schools are only for fish swimming in the same direction.

There's some major plot holes in The Little Mermaid, and I have to say, that I just don't buy it anymore. And you know what the icing on the cake is? Up until the end of the movie all the ships are propelled by sails and oars. The prince and Ariel get hitched on a ship. Romantic, right? But then THIS happens!


Monday, 2 May 2011

The one place I never expected to live...

Here's an announcement that puts the marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton, as well as the death of Osama Bin Laden to shame.

I'm moving to Saskatchewan. If you haven't been watching the all-news channels or visiting the Internet, I understand why you may have missed this news.

I got a job with the Saskatoon Media Group last month as a Creative Writer. It's the Same thing I do here in Grande Prairie, except I'll be way busier. Saskatoon is a lot bigger than GP, and in terms of career, it's a definite step up.
Plus, it'll be 13 hours closer to Manitoba and all friends and family there, not mention that I'll be in Saskatoon with all the friends I have there too.

Grande Prairie's been really good to me, I have lots of friends, I've had tons of fun and done all sorts interesting things, I picked up a fantastic girlfriend, and I bought my first ever car.

But it's time to bid adieu, and move on to bigger and better things. My final day at Big Country is June 14th, and I start my new job June 20th. There will be an epic going away party the second weekend in June. I'll warn everyone in advance, unless I'm totally blitzed, I'll probably cry at it if someone gets all sentimental on me.

I'll also take this opportunity to stir up some rumors. Could the reunification of college pals Jake Hammell and Chad Yawney herald the return of the epic radio mess “Stop Drop and Rock?”

Stay tuned for more details!