AZ It Happens...

In my cruising around the blogosphere, I've found another activity to participate in. And the best part, it's all about me!

Gramatically Delicious' blog had this posted a while ago, and I've decided to do it as well. Describe yourself from A to Z. Which I will now do.


A - Apples. I can't stand apples. I'll have nothing to do with them, or any apple related products. That includes Apple Juice, Apple Pie, and Minneapolis.

B - Bread. I like whole wheat bread, not white. Because as you know, the whiter the bread the faster you're dead.

C - Coldplay. Coldplay sucks.

D - Ducks. I remember back home when we used to have ducks. A male and female (I know a male is called a Drake, but I have no idea what a female is). The male was a big jerk, and one day the geese we also raised had enough of his guff and beat him to death. Before this happened his only son was hunted down and devoured by a kitten. His wife survived through a winter and disappeared. The last time I saw her she wandered into the yard for a bit and was promptly chased back out again by the geese.

I like to think she ran away with another drake and found happiness. But she was probably eaten by a coyote or something.

E - Eggs. I only like them scrambled. And truth be told, I've never tried them as an omelet. I like to be able to see all my food and have it in separate piles. Not all hidden and folded over so it's a surprise when you bite in.

F - Fun-loving. I like having a good time, and can't stand people who are serious all the time. That's probably why I'm not still in the news business. Everyone except for the sports casters are so serious ALL THE TIME, and I don't like sports very much so I didn't like hanging out with the sports casters.

G - Gold. I've never really understood why gold is so valuable. You can't eat it, and it's not as useful as iron or copper, and yet that is what we base our currency on? Madness.


H - Hair. I used to shave my head all the time. Most people can't believe my driver's license picture where I'm stark bald, but now I have too much hair. It's long and shaggy, and slowly turning into a Kurt Russel mullet.


Also, everyone says I look like I'm 12 or 13 years old! Here's a true story, last Friday I was recording a client's voice and the guy looks at me and says, with true sincerity, "Do you even have your driver's license?"

Yes buddy. I do.

Long story short I'm getting a haircut.

I - Iris'. Iris colour was a subject Gramatically Delicious mentioned on her A-Z entry as well. I have no idea what colour my eyes are. My drivers license says green, and I remember once upon a time when I was much younger and thought they were blue. But now? Who knows. They're some sort of green+possibly blue+yellow. This is always an issue when people ask about my eye colour.

J - Jacob. My real name is of course Jacob. All my paycheques read Jake though, and I think the cheques I write out for rent do as well. I remember being called Jake back when my dad used to take me along to his friend Lyle's house when they would have beers. Jake-the-Snake they would call me.

K - Kool-aid. For years I called this stuff 'Freshie.' I just did a little research, and as it turns out Freshie was a drink mix alternative in Canada to Kool-aid in the 50s to 80s, which is when my parents were young'uns. So I think this must be a carry-over effect that my mother probably imprinted upon her children.

As per usual, just blame your life problems on your parents and everything is fine. I once told my mother that all parents give their children horrible neuroses that they have to deal with in later life. She didn't believe me. Now I have trust issues.

L - Lemons and Limes - These form 2/3 of the only fruits I eat.

M - Magic the Gathering - A geeky card game I love to play. I only had the computer game for starters, but in time I managed to get some cards to play with. While other kids were getting into Pokemon (although I still think when that was the rage my age group was too old for it) I was into Magic, the strategically superior card game.

N - Naps - I love naps.

O - Oranges - The other 1/3 of fruits that I eat.

P - Pringles - I used to love these things, but now I can't eat them. Too processed.

Q - Queen Elizabeth - The monarch whose health I drink to when I can't think of a better toast.

R - Rosser Ave. - The street that the mattress store where I used to work was on. Thursday nights were 'Cruisin the Dub' which is when all the sweet looking classic cars would drive down Rosser Avenue by my store window to showoff.

S - Sammiches - I love a good sammich. I know it's spelt and pronounced sandwich, but that's lame, and has the word SAND in the title. This of course makes me uncomfortable.

T - The Thule Society - I love tv shows and movies that involve The Thule society, a Paranormal Nazi group. It's like war movies crossed with the violent fantasy genre. Good stuff.

U - Umberhulks - A Dungeons & Dragons creature. They made an appearence in Baldur's Gate 2 (great game) and I couldn't beat them so I cheated. I made my character super amazing and destroyed them. But it was like The Ring of Power, I meant to turn my character's power back down but once I had tasted the sweet delights of cheating I couldn't go back. I finished the game with an amazing character, and didn't earn my just rewards.

Damn Umberhulks.

V - Verizon Wireless - Can you hear me now? Yes. Yes I can. Now quit your lame marketing before I stab you in the mouth.

W - Wilford Brimley - Every day during summer vacations I would watch the Price is Right. Who wouldn't? Anyway, Liberty medical would have their commercials and there was this one where Wilford Brimley would ride up on a horse talking about how "I got the Diabeetus, and I check 'ma bloodsugar, and I check it often and you should too."
Here's a good one with Wilford working hard in the iron forge:



X - Xavier - He was my favourite character in Eternal Champions, a fighting game on SEGA Genesis. I think this character is responsible for why I like fighting games that characters with sticks. Don't be perverted.

Z - Zaboombafoo - I never ever watched this show, but I have a vivid memory from grade five about the name of that program. I was in the town hall basement rehearsing my lines during practice for a town play. There was another kid, let's call him John, sitting across from me. I don't remember what led up to it, but I recall him excitedly yelling

"Zaboombafoo!"

to which I replied, "What is Zaboombafoo?"

That's it. End of memory. I think he tried to explain it to me, but the concept of it was beyond me. Besides, I was a Popular Mechanics for Kids fan. It's the show that Elisha Cuthbert (sooo hot) got her start on. Even though she wasn't very attractive back then, I've had a crush on her ever since.


EDIT, APRIL 21ST, 2009: It was just pointed out to me that I skipped the letter 'Y.' Why is this you ask? Because until the letter Y makes up its mind as to whether it wants to be a vowel or a consonant it can stay the heck out of my A-Z description.