Thursday 5 March 2009

It's Badass Time

For anyone who reads my blog, you might remember that I recently mentioned I watched 'How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days.' While the movie was playing I mentioned that I should get a motorbike to look as cool as Matthew McConaughey does when he rides his bike in that movie. I also mentioned how dreamy I thought McConaughey was but was quickly rebuffed for my statement. I now know that women don't want to bang McConaughey, but rather, they universally agree they would like to bang Will Smith. He is allegedly 'a hottie.'

Back to motorbikes. Following that movie it was just days later when I went and saw Benjamin Button, in which Brad Pitt rides a motorbike. The ladies also all agree that Brad Pitt riding a chopper is sexy.

Then on Wednesday, I was doing my thing at work, writing ads, when I got an email for an upcoming sale Honda is holding in which Cruisers and Sport bikes are on sale.

The following day I was browsing around the bloggosphere as I usually do, it just so happened that Drollgirl's blog for that very day dealt with what else but, you guessed it, MOTORBIKES. In particular, classy vintage ones that make my pants tight.

I really think the world is pointing me towards owning a motorbike, especially since next I'm going to go see:

One Week


It's a Canadian film, which is nice for a change since you don't see very many Canuck-made movies when you live in Canada. It stars Joshua Jackson, AKA one of the Mighty Ducks, as a guy who travels across the country to find himself or something on a motorbike.

All signs obviously are pointing towards me needing to own a Motorbike. I don't want one of those crappy little crotch rockets though. I want a cruiser. Like those bad muthas in The Hells Angels would ride.

Here are my reasons FOR owning a motorbike:
-Cheaper to maintain and put gas in than a car.
-A good excuse to wear a leather jacket
-Chicks apparently dig it
-An awesome hobby, and a good vehicle to meet new people with
-I think in BC and Alberta it's cheaper to license and insure a bike than a car

Here are the reasons AGAINST owning a motorbike:
-More likely to get injured
-Lacks the carrying capacity of a car
-In Canada I'd only get to use it during Summer/Fall
-Not so fun to use in rainy or windy weather
-I'm not very good at keeping my balance
-I'd have to pay for licensing two vehicles instead of one because I don't think I could get by exclusively with just a motorbike
-I could probably buy a decent used car for the cost of getting a new cruiser bike

So overall I think the cons outweigh the pros, but still, if the right price for a bike came along, I might just have to look into buying one.

Did I forget to mention that the chicks dig it?

10 comments:

drollgirl said...

oh chicks dig it!!! THEY DO. ahhahahaha. my boyfriend (and the one before and the one before and the one before) all had bikes. sadly they went the rice route. i HATE all that plastique-y looking shit on new bikes. the old ones are way cooler.

good luck with your decision!!! do you guys have the lottery up there? maybe you'll win tons 'o money and end up being able to buy bikes cars AND chicks!!!!

p.s your comment on my blog was so funny. you are a hoot.

Chelsea Ribbon said...

I thought Joshua Jackson would have been more well-known for his role of Pacey in Dawson's Creek.

Or perhaps for some more recent movies he's been in like... like... well, all I can think of is Cruel Intentions, but still, it's more recent that Mighty Ducks hahaaha.

I would really like to see you jump on a hog and wear leather! Get that fancy mohawk going again and you are set! Perhaps Urkie can recommend some clean tattoo parlours as well to finalize your new look. I know you already have the sunglasses!

Jana Sproule IMA said...

I think I have a solution to this dilemma.

Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Joey pretended to have a porsche by placing a lot of cardboard boxes under a car cover? And then when girls asked to see it, he would just say..."Sorry Ladies, I just put her to sleep."

You just need to get the leather and grease your hair back. And if you have a tight white T-shirt that you could roll a pack of ciggs under the sleeve of, that'd be perfect.

You don't need the actual bike, just the accessories.

Granted, this way will get you significantly less chicks, it might still work. Oh and any chicks you do get this way will have to be dumber than a box of fingernails to actually believe you have a bike under that cover. I hope intelligence isn't something you look for in a lady friend.

But this will save you some money.

Oh and if you do ever get a real bike.....I'm yours!!

Maxwell ! said...

Jake, you need a scooter. They're under 50ccs so you don't need a spacial license, they're cheap to insure they're great for getting around town, they may not have the stigma of a Harley but they are cool in their own way.

plus when I get mine we can roll old school. I've already decided to name mine Sasha. The name comes from J.D.s (Zack Braff) scooter from the sweet ass show SCRUBS.

Plus a Scooter would suit you way better.

Thin guys with leather loosely draped on their bodies isn't cool. It looks like cancer patient on wheels.

(Was that last part to harsh?)

Maxwell

Chelsea Ribbon said...

lmfao!

aw... a scooter? Like, a Vespa?

Chelsea Ribbon said...

Vespas are cool in Europe.

Jake Hammell said...

No. No Vespas or scooters.

Barbie rode a Vespa. Jake Hammell will not be joining that club.

And Maxwell, you said "Thin guys with leather loosely draped on their bodies isn't cool. It looks like cancer patient on wheels."

Didn't you see that tight leather jacket I wore for like three months? The one I specifically wore because it made me look like an asshole? The one with the Micheal Jackson shoulder thingies?
I definitely looked like a badass in that thing. Especially with my super-cool aviators I bought when we saw Anthony Robbins.

Jake Hammell said...

Oh, and Chelsea. Nobody remember Joshua Jackson from anything but Mighty Ducks. Once a Duck, Always a Duck.

Nai said...

Chicks dig, and You should dig too!

My mom rids a 1959 Honda (I can too!) and its fucking sweet!

The few months you get to use it are sooooooooooo worth it!

Dave said...

Motorbikes are badass, though I can't say I've ever ridden a street bike, just dirt bikes. I'd imagine that although much heavier, they are a lot more stable. My families dirt bike doesn't have a speedo so I have no idea how fast I was going, but I was going in the top gear, wide open, down a hill on a dirtroad so I assume I was going faster than I probably should have been without a helmet.