Delicious SPAM

When was the last time you read your SPAM Mail? It's probably been while, or maybe you''ve never looked at it at all. These days our email accounts are pretty good at filtering out the garbage that gets sent to us. But it still piles up in that little folder called 'Junk Mail.' Primarily what arrives is genital enhancement offers, fake jewelry sales, and weight-loss pills.

Who's buying this stuff, I have no idea, but obviously someone is sending money to the people who operate the robots responsible for spamming us.

And that's the problem; Robots are the ones spamming us. Maybe not actual robots, but computer programs with bad grammar and a poor understanding of English sentence construction. It's so bad in fact that it's actually a little funny!

Now and then, maybe every once in a couple of months, I like to take a gander at my SPAM for creative inspiration. Here's a few of the gems I picked out this morning.


This is a little blunt, and right to point. Just like the rod I'll use for doing 'her,' whoever 'Her' is. It's pretty vague about that point. But I'm really looking forward to her whispering 'You're the best" to me!

This is a lofty *rim shot* claim indeed. Besides my basement room, which has a pretty tall ceiling as it is, the main room of my house is like 12 feet! Having an instrument so large I could touch that ceiling with it would be a little awkward. Scratch that, It would be a LOT awkward, for me and her.

DAMN YOU GRAVITY! YOU HAVE RUINED MY DAY FOR THE LAST TIME!

Naked McCane eh? I'm sure they meant Senator John McCain. Which in no way, shape, or form entices me. Big points to SPAM for offering a completely different product though.


Yes, please energize my baby-maker! It needs more energy! And how on earth did Acqq know I named my baby-maker Ilavqkero?

Just read that and tell me it DOESN'T turn you on a little. 'Her nineteen years of governessship.' Oh man, I need a cold shower.


So you're telling me, Time Life, a well respected organization is sending me poorly worded SPAM? Yeah right! This one was so intriguing though, that I had to take a closer look...

Turns out that yeah, they're spamming me for realsies. I took a look, and quickly noticed this...


Hey! I bought that! I actually listened to it a little bit just this morning. So far as I know I'm not a free-spirited woman of the '60s. Screw you guys and your impressionable artists of the '60s. That must be why they did so many drugs. They were impressionable, and got peer-pressured into dropping acid.

Damn SPAM.