Grammar Nazi

I obsess over grammar a lot. Day in and say out I pick out people's minor mistakes such as saying “me” instead of “I,” and the misuse of the word “good.” Also, when people screw up the words 'lose' and 'loose' I really lose it. I just let loose in a furious rage of unbridled fury. Those are my three biggest pet peeves.

Sometimes I get too wrapped up in my world of punctuation and grammar, and I have a hard time deciphering what people are saying. This became a real problem today in emails I was trading.

Three o'clock rolled around, and I started emailing people in the search for AN ad that plays tomorrow. First on the list is an associate of mine I only deal with maybe three times a month.

“Hey dude, anything new for that car dealership?” I asked him

To which he promptly emailed back:

“I like you...are waitin!”

I instantly shot back from my computer, aghast at this man's admission! He likes me? Why? How? Like a friend? Is he coming on to me? What the hell is that about? He must mean he likes my promptness and professionalism. Yeah, that must be it.

So I called in a coworker to help me assess the situation. His eyebrows raised after reading the email and was equally confused. He agreed that it was out-of-line and weird. But I couldn't settle for just one opinion, so I sent it to my office neighbour Ashley to take account of as well.

She was just confused as to why I had even bothered to forward the email to her.

“What's the big deal?” she asked.

“He said he likes me Ashley! What do I even say to that?”

“Ohhh, no Jake. What he meant to say was 'I, like you, are waiting.'” She replied “He forgot a comma.”

What a relief! Things were about to get really awkward between myself and this guy. I was on the verge of giving the client to someone else so I wouldn't be hit on by this dude.

So in the end, I got the info I needed, and figured out I wasn't BEING hit on. The moral of the story is that I guess I need to ease up on my cavalier Grammar Nazi attitude. As evidenced today, not everyone is a pro at punctuation.

So to those of you who just don't give a damn:

You did good. You did real good.

*Good work gang, I swear I put those mistakes in on purpose


Super Viral Brothers - Hot Chocolate

Review: Moosehead Light

This past weekend some of the guys wanted to play football in the park while having a few drinks. Since I also had a midnight movie showing to attend, it simply wouldn't have done for me drink a bunch of beer, get all sweaty and dirty, show up to the film screening stinky and drunk.

So I picked up a case of Moosehead Light. Regular Moose is my preferred beer, so I figured giving their light variety a shot wouldn't be the worst thing I could do.


Overall, it was okay. It definitely still tasted like Moosehead, but still had that thin taste light beers always have. As far as light beers go though, it's better than most. So Moose Light is the one I'll be picking up from now on when the occasion calls to drink light booze.

Overall:

7.5/10

It's light beer, what else can I say? Not as good regular Moose, but over the past 3 days I definitely haven't minded drinking it.

If you want light beer that still tastes like beer, hells yea, pick up a case.

And on the topic of light beer, what's everyone's choice?

It Really Took the Cake

I know I geek out on Star Wars a little too much. I even learned the theme to it on guitar. But there's other people who like it as well, and one of them had a joint birthday party this weekend, to which a friend I supplied the cake, custom decorated by the greatest artist in the land, yours truly.


As you can clearly see, we covered it with all sorts of silly shit. That big black blob on the left was supposed to be Darth Vader, and the graphic underneath the Death Star is from the movie Cars. Dairy Queen didn't have any blank cakes.

The cake was enjoyed by the birthday girls and party guests alike.


And now I have to figure out what do with roughly 3 pounds of leftover icing. I'm open to suggestions!


N.W.A. - Straight Outta Compton

Everclear in the House

All photographs totally ripped from Jen B's facebook page, who I really hope doesn't cut me.

This past Saturday I got to see one of my all-time favourite bands: Everclear!


I noticed they had a poster up. I was like “Everclear, eh? Are they coming to Edmonton?” but much to my surprise, they were coming to Grande Prairie! And not on a lame Wednesday night or anything, on a Saturday no less!

I screamed like a 14 year old girl most of the night since I honestly thought I'd never get to see them. Best of all, I stood approximately 2 people away from the stage, which is plenty close for me since it sucks to be close to the stage, have to take a leak, and fight your way back out.


They completely rocked the house, and band founder, Art Alexakis put one hell of an act despite it being very obvious the only thing he knew for sure was that he was in Canada. He even mixed up the radio station who sponsored the concert's name, which was quite funny.

Afterwards I got a guitar pick from the lead Guitarist (Davey French), while my friends got drumsticks and autographs. Jealous! Plus I was impatient and didn't get a photo with the band. Oh well, so long as Art Alexakis keeps of the hard drugs, I'm sure I'll meet him eventually.

The Best Part of the NHL

I couldn't give two shits about the NHL. I really couldn't. I think hockey season is too long (Hockey in June? Seriously?), I can't wrap my head around the concept of off-side (despite having it explained to me 1,000s of times), and I just think there are better things on TV.

I know I'm embarrassing to have around at sports bars when hockey's on. I don't know any of the players, the team stats, and I've been known to say and do things that upset my friends during the game.

Plus my teams are the Minnesota Wild (because they're next to Manitoba) and the Buffalo Sabres (Because their old logo has swords in it).


But the thing I really like about the playoffs is the beards.


Beards are cool, and around this time of year you get to see some really sick facial hair. To honor this tradition, here's some photos of players with beards.







Velvet Ungerground - Sunday Morning

Minitini Party

So this past weekend I hosted another one of my (now infamous) martini parties. The first one was around Valentines, and was a big success. This one however was a last minute affair which came about while my friends and I were sitting around wondering what to do this weekend.

We planned to have a smaller party, which is why this one was called the Mini-tini Party. Once more I planned to play bartender all night since it usually keeps me out of trouble. Also, it always renews my respect for your everyday barman. When it comes to cocktails, that stuff takes time!

Anyway, one thing led to another, I was too busy to take photos like I had planned, and after I had a few too many dry martinis, the camera thing went right out the window.

Below are the only two photos I took, the second being from the morning after.



Plus the cops shut us down at around midnight. Lame!

Review: The Axe Detailer Shower Tool

A couple weeks ago I decided I was in need of some shower equipment. Specifically a loofah. I had seen some commercials for the “Axe Detailer Shower Tool” and it looked interesting. Basically all they did was try and 'man up' the frilly loofah by adding a rubber grip, fitting the backside of the grip with a plastic scrubber, and calling it a “Shower Tool.”


This doesn't stray far from AXE's usual marketing strategy to make all of their products seem ultra-manly. By calling it a “Tool” and not the fru-fru girly name “loofah” they've basically said,

“Attention men: Getting clean is hard work. And we've got the right equipment. Rub yourselves with our tool.”

Tee-hee.

The scrubber thing is a pretty unique idea, and is supposed to emulate a pumice stone for hardcore scrubbing. I'm secure enough in my masculinity to actually purchase and use a loofah, but the two-in-one item is what sold me on the Shower Tool. Plus at the cost of $3.50, I figured I couldn't go wrong.

The loofah portion works well enough, although compared to an actual loofah, it takes a lot more effort to get it sudsy. But it does feel coarser in texture than your regular loofahs, which tend to be soft and fluffy, and is more effective for a scrub than a regular loofah. Its rubber grip also lends itself positively for this purpose as well.

But, the big let-down is the scrubber thingy. It just doesn't work. I, as someone who pads around barefoot for a majority of the time, have quite sturdy leather feet. The scrubber tool just doesn't cut it, it's completely ineffective. The packaging even went so far as to suggest that you use the scrubber precisely for cleaning grody leather feet. But the bottom line is that it's absolutely no replacement for your standard pumice stone.


Overall, I'm going to give the AXE Shower Tool:

5.5/10

The loofah portion works well enough, and I do enjoy that it's a little tougher than your average synthetic plastic loofah. Its rubber grip is a nice touch as well, but the scrubber is a big letdown. You're better off going and buying an actual pumice stone (which is more expensive than the cost of the Shower Tool). As for the loofah portion, you can most assuredly find a cheaper alternative solution of equal quality.

Sidenote: I ran out of things to talk about. So enjoy knowing altogether too much about my shower routine.

Rock Paper Scissors Tourney

All photos courtesy of The Daily Herald Tribune and the effervescent Karyn Cochrane

Rock beats Scissors. Scissors beat Paper. Paper beats Rock.

The game is a simple concept, but it's an intense psychological battle.

I'd been gearing up for the big tournament and throwing down RPS everywhere I went, with anyone.This past Thursday evening was host to the second annual Rock Paper Scissors tournament at the local Lion's Den Pub.

I'll admit though that things didn't go as well as planned. I went in expecting a clean sweep, but much to my chagrin I lost my first four matches.

The situation was dire. I had even dragged along several of my friends to watch me dominate the competition. I even donned my Sunday best (which everyone said made me look like Clark Kent).
Finally, I took the advice of my teammates, removed my suit jacket, loosened my tie, and mussed up my perfectly groomed hair. In the words of my good friend Ashley, I needed to

"Release the Jake."

And release the Jake I did. It was officially Hammelltime. I went on a real heater and won the final five throwdowns, tying for second place with several other competitors, and only beaten in points by our teammate Bic who took a massive 8 wins.

Our team went on to take first place in overall points (which is the only one that really mattered).


Ultimately, the official victory went to our competitor Free FM after the Triple Threat Throwdown. They won fair and square, but I'll get them next year, you can bet on it.

Trailer Trash Comes to Town

Last night's entertainment involved seeing the infamous trailer park supervisor duo from “Trailer Park Boys” live at the local casino.



Anyone who's seen Trailer Park Boys knows of Randy and Lahey. On the show they're pretty funny, but live and in person, they're hilarious! I was discussing what we might see them do on stage with a friend, and we both admitted to being trepidacious about the performance. They're two characters from a mockumentary style television show after all, how funny can they be?


As it turns out they're pretty hysterical. It was a little like prop comedy on crack. They kept the self-referential jokes to a minimum, and other than a few running gags and famous line-drops, they really managed to separate themselves from the television show as best they could.



One of the best gags they did was when they pulled joints out from a waitresses bra, and proceeded to market their indoor smoking hoods so you could enjoy smoking dope inside the casino.



Anyway, after the show I got to meet Mr. Lahey and Randy where Lahey proceeded to touch my “No” parts as Randy threatened me.



If the Mr. Lahey and Randy show is coming through your town, definitely check it out.