WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SALTY LANGUAGE AND INAPPROPRIATE SUBJECT MATERIAL
Kids really like text messaging these days. They all do it all the time. I once even heard a rumour that some teenage girl sent a text message to her friend immediately after getting into a serious car accident rather than calling 911*.
*Citation needed.
The problem with texting? If you send a message to the wrong person, you can't really tell unless you're paying attention.
I got a strange text out of the blue on Wednesday just before I was heading out to the bar for wing night. I've got some really colourful friends who like to send weird messages to me, so naturally I just figured it was someone screwing with me:
Stranger: umm we were talking too ur dog it gavebus the finger...
Me: I don't own a dog
Stranger: yes u do i saww
Me: What breed, size, and colour?
Stranger: chihuahua small tanned
I was getting confused at this point. So rather than ask who it was I was speaking with, I decided to play it cool...
Me: The last chihuahua I saw was two years ago, two provinces away, and reddish black. You need to lay off the smack
Stranger: ur a douchebag
Me: Absolutely!
Stranger: u should date kiki and u have i dog i could hear him barking and u said owen be quiet
Suddenly, I'm smacked with the realization that isn't anyone I know. So the only option here is I must continue to screw with person!
Me: Looks aside, why should I date kiki?
Stranger: bcz u guys both like eachother and dont u noo because u no its true...
Me: Yeah, I guess, but there's other people I'm into too.
Stranger: whoo? u should bcz were budss.. and also u like kiki ahaha...
It's time to take this play right into left field...
Me: Well, I've been thinking a lot lately, you know, about Kiki, but I think I might like dudes too
Stranger: totallly... really i nou klike chickss.
Me: I'm serious! I'm so confused, what do I do?
Stranger: kiki
Me: That doesn't feel right though.
Stranger: ur just saying that
Uh oh, looks like I'm starting to lose this guy!
Me: No I'm not! >:( Can I tell you a secret?
Stranger: suree
Me: You can't tell anyone. Promise?
Stranger: Yeeeess
Me: I watched gay porn two nights ago. I got off to it.... (a few minutes later)
Me: You can't tell anyone!
Stranger: uhhh.... i dont know what to say!!! fuck thaattt
Stranger: ur in love with fuckin guys
This about an hour and half of texting back and forth, and by now I've made it to the bar where all my friends start getting in on this texting action, and we collaboratively start screwing with this guy.
Me: Maybe I should bang Kiki and find out for sure if I'm a homo.
Stranger: Yeeee
Stranger: when i asked u out did u think that was stupid but now i'm dating mido
Oh ho ho! So 'He' is really a 'She!' This changes EVERYTHING. Now it's time for the finishing maneuver; I'm going to get this girl to go over to her friend's house where he'll be confused as shit about the whole thing when she starts asking about his sexuality.
Me: You're really cute, and so is Mido. I think you should come over so we can talk about this
Stranger: what do u mean..
Me: I just need to talk in person
Stranger: noo i don't friggin trust u and kiki is my friend.
Me: What do you mean you don't trust me? I just want someone to talk to.
At this point, my phone starts ringing. It's the person I've been texting. It's time to cut this conversation off, despite everyone telling me to continue messing with this girl...
Me: Hello?
Her: Hi...Is Nathan there?
Me: *laughing* Na, Nathan's not here. You had the wrong number this whole time, we've just been screwing with you.
Her: *click*
So we all have a good long laugh over this and continue with our previous plans of eating chicken wings and drinking. But just before I completely put the joke to rest, I send one last message to let this kid know it was all in good humour.
Me: Sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but that was too funny. Tell Nathan I say hi.
She replies back:
Stranger: who the fuck are u
I didn't respond because the joke was over... Until...
Stranger: tell nathan i could hear him in the background and thaat nice joke really it was hilarious...
Uh-oh, this has gotten out of hand. So then I receive yet another phone call from a different number. At first we ignore it, but this person keeps calling. Finally I just grab the phone, and you won't believe who it is...
Me: Hi, who is this?
Her: This is Kiki.
Me: Ohhhh, Hi Kiki!
Kiki: My friend told me I should call you about Nathan.
Me: Oh yeah? What about?
Kiki: They say he watches gay porn all the time
Me: That was just one time! And he's not actually gay
Kiki: I didn't think so
Me: Yeah, it was all just a joke, you guys had the wrong number. You should really go talk to your friend Nathan
Kiki: Yeah...
Me: We think Nathan really likes you!
Kiki: Really!?!
Me: Yeah, you two should totally date
Kiki: Cool!
Me: Okay Kiki, you have a good night, and be sure to let everyone know it was just a joke
Kiki: Okay, bye.
Me: Bye!
Hopefully Nathan and Kiki start dating, it'd be great if that was the outcome of this whole shebang.
I should start a Prank Caller Match Making service or something.
Dragon Fli Empire - Outside Inn
4 comments:
I see a whole other twist. A large tattooed man man hunting through the streets of GP looking for poor little Jake. When he finally finds him...well, He punches Jake one and ol' Jack crumples to the floor.
Seriously though, that is a great joke. I used to do things like that often.
Also, if that Nathan guy does come after you I know a big ex-wrestler in GP that can take care of you. Mr. Steve Striker!
-Crank it to the MAX!
Man that was an epic tale of conversation and hilarious misunderstandings! Excellent work on fucking up teenagers' lives :) (Seriously, that was well funny!)
OMG That was seriously awesome and totally funny!!! I think in about a week you should text that number to see if Nathan and Kiki have hooked up! I'd be interested to know.
I had a similar situation just about a week ago. I was at a bbq and this woman there got a random text from some girl with a wrong number. They started texting her back and forth too but they came clean with her much quicker than you. Except after they did, she still kept texting them and they had a whole conversation.
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