But the real highlight of the show came from yours truly.
After Ryan Stock's freak-show, the MC of the evening announced there was going to be a joke contest. Someone would get on stage, tell one joke, and by audience laughter a winner would be decided and win a $25 gift certificate. She was asking for takers, but nobody raised their hand.
Looking around, I decided, “This'll be a piece of cake!”
I shot my hand up like a 3rd grader volunteering in science class, and stormed on stage.
“Why did Helen Keller wear tight pants?” I asked the audience.
“Why?” the crowd chanted back
“So people could read her lips!” I shouted, grinning like a mad-man.
A room filled with roughly 30 people all groaned at once. That “How can someone say that in public!” kind of groan.
Then the MC came back on stage, said “So nobody else wants to go?” and declared me the winner!
But wait, it gets better.
They brought me my gift certificate, and started asking me for my name and number; Because, as it turns out, by winning last night I had just qualified to do a 5 minute stand-up routine three weeks from now on the 26th of May for a chance to win $500.
I'm really on the fence as to whether I should do the routine. Five minutes of stand-up isn't as long a time as it sounds, but that could be embarrassingly tough! I'm sure I could slap something together in that time-frame, and a few of my friends are all for it. I've got a lot of funny life stories to recount and embellish upon, but I'm also tempted to do a Mitch Hedberg style routine. You know, witty one liners like:
“I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”
So, should I do the routine? Shall I take the comedic plunge? Worst case scenario I get scared and pee myself on stage, and that'll only be humiliating til' I change my pants.
Digable Planets - Where I'm From
9 comments:
I think you should do it. For the money. And that whole notoriety thing too. I'm sure you'd do fine, once you got your routine down!
If you don't, I'll disown you. Don't know how I'm going to disown a brother, but I'll figure something out.
$5 if you try and get them to sign a rider to provide hookers and blow.
I'll send a money order in the mail for $25 if you tell The Astricrats joke! Hell, make it an even $30!!!
Jake, seriously, you could literally spend the entire five minutes just setting up the astricrats joke. You wouldn't need to hash out a routine.
I'll add $5 to John's $5 bucks if you add only brown M&M's to your rider.
You should do it so you have something to tell the kids about, man!
AND!
You can totally talk smack about the southern US and Texans!
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I honestly laughed quite hard at that joke. I can't believe you actually said that to a room of people though.
WOW! You should definitely do it... even just to say that you have! Five minutes could be a LOOOONG time up there but you have time to prepare some stuff. Go for it!
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