Men Made for Auction

Well, it's official. I'm now legitimately a whore.

How much am I worth? $275 apparently; Which is a real steal of a deal.

Tonight was the Rainbow Society Golf Caddy Auction, of which I was one of the manly men for sale. Basically I'm sold off, then I go caddy for a squad of women for a day. The money gets donated to the Rainbow Society, which is one of those wish foundation type things.

I've never been auctioned off like a piece of meat, so it was a bit of a trip.

But let's start this story from the beginning. Quite a few months ago I signed up to be sold off, then I realized just three weeks ago that I actually had to do this thing. I'm lazy, out of shape, and have generally poor skin. So how did I make up for this?

Fuckin' pink tie. Aaaaw yeah.

I complemented my outfit with some new silver aviators, a nice black shirt, and some fine trousers.

Here's me doing my ironing at my desk at work

I also got my coworker to produce this little number for me to walk out and strut my stuff during. It's pretty accurate.

after he's done talking it's over. The rest is just music I look good walking around during.

So I get to the auction, and I discover that I'm competing with like 5 firefighters, a doctor, a rich motorbiking banker, a good looking charismatic black guy (which is pretty tough competition in northern Alberta), and some other guy whose story or job I didn't quite catch. He had a classic camaro int eh parking lot, so I assume he was doing well.

Then there was me. The shortest, skinniest, and youngest dude there. And guess what? I got to go first.

Luckily though shots of tequila and Jack Daniels were being passed around quite liberally so a bit of the old liquid courage never hurt anyone.

My music starts to play, and I strut out to many hoots and hollers. The chicks were all over the ensemble I had. But for some reason they kept wanting me to drop my pants.

I racked up a few dollars by serenading a young lass. The audience screamed for me to sing, and the only thing I could of the ever ironic "Feed Jake."


In the end I was sold for 275 dollars. Which tied for last place in the amount raised. It's tough going first, and the guy after me, who did some wild things is the other one who tied with me for dollars raised. Oh well, next year I'm going to this again and get in shape, tone up, and get some Chippendale's tear off pants. All the girls will be all over me for sure.

And it's for charity too, so I'm not just being a complete whore.

On the upside, my table had many attractive women; All of whom I'm caddying for tomorrow (or today depending on when you read this). So enjoy these photos of me all dressed up, and I'll have some killer caddying photos of me jackassing around on a golf course later this week.